Monthly Archives: March 2020

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Sanborn Op-Ed: Divorce Shmimorse

Welcome once again to our humble county rag!

Today we’ll be featuring an op-ed by a local county man who has been wanting to express the recent successes he’s had with one of our newest local business partners, McNamee Mediations, who has been practicing family law in Irvine and the greater Orange County area for quite a few years. Given the recent spat of divorces and separations due to the rather strange effects of the 5G towers, this man wanted to provide readers with an alternative to the usual path of horrific divorce proceedings.

“Hello. My name is Andrew. I have been a Sanborn resident my entire life. I was raised here by my dear mother, I found a loving wife here, my relationship fell apart here, and now I’ve successfully separated from her here.

It is my opinion that my ex-wife is a terrible person who tricked me for many years in order to get access to the great family wealth my dear mother has always bragged about. Well, unfortunately for her and our relationship, it appears that my dear mother was a huge liar who never had a penny to her name.

My Dear Mother

When my wife discovered this, and discovered that my dear mother was dead and gone for many years without her knowing, she decided that she was going to leave. I did not allow this for a long time, despite her trying to leave on many occasions. Finally, I decided that enough was enough, and I allowed for the proceedings of separation could go through.

Like many of your readers, we have accepted that divorce lawyers are not to used because they will gauge out your eyes and steal your soul. Instead, I decided to use a mediator, so that we could go our separate ways without either of our lives being totally degraded. My ex wife eventually accepted despite initial reservations.

We heard about the recent move of McNamee mediations, who had been practicing family mediation for their Orange County law practice for many years and have helped many people like me and my wife for many years. We called them up and set up an initial meeting right away.

My ex-wife’s room

They were very nice and very friendly. After some coaching, my wife and I were prepared for the usual slippery trickster talk that comes with talking with lawyers, but we received none of it. I was very happy about that, and my wife probably was, too, because she couldn’t stop crying.

It only took a month for the mediation to go through. We really had no belongings to distribute, but McNamee was very helpful in making sure what we had was given out equally. My wife did not ask for much. Once the separation was finalized, she was gone within minutes, taking only a small suitcase.

I am thankful for McNamee, because I have already moved on and have found a new very pretty lady. I am very hopeful for our future together.”

Thank you, Andrew! We’re happy you and your wife were able to find some solace in your separation, and I wish you luck in your new relationship! If you are interested in finding an alternative to a messy divorce, give our new neighbors at McNamee a call; you won’t regret it!

McNamee Mediations

(949) 223-3836

4590 MacArthur Blvd Ste 500 Irvine, CA 92612


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Sanborne County Announces Ban On Grass-Based Landscaping

Hello once again, Sanbornians! Wild news is coming out of the county board of commissioners – in an attempt to cut down on massive wildfires and help fight the dangers associated with global warming, the county has officially put a ban on all forms of grass for use in landscaping!

The county board, who was recently elected in an emergency vote after the previous board was wiped out to a man by the recent coronavirus epidemic, has a number of interesting characters on it. Paul Paulson, a local man, has just returned from years abroad working with the international organization Green Peace, and was last seen before his return to Sanborne in a YouTube video depicting the group firing upon a Japanese whaling vessel with small arms.

Another, Moonbeam TreeWhisp of the Forest Clan, previously known as Margaret Anderson, has been living in the local Sanborne Woods for the past 80 years. Records giving details of her birth no longer exist thanks to the great Arson Spree of 1953, and her given name was only found thanks to a great grand niece providing a picture to this humble publication. Strangely, her appearance has not changed at all since her departure into the wood, which has become famous over the years for the number of hikers disappearing into its depths, never to be seen again.

The board has dictated quite strict measures to ensure this ordnance is followed – any persons found in violation are to be arrested and brought to the local town square to be flogged. Community attendance of these corporal punishments is mandatory, with the punishment for truancy being arrest and public flogging. The punishment for continued violations have not been publicly disclosed, but reports of citizens being hustled off into the woods late at night by mysterious cloaked figures have begun popping up all over the county.

For those concerned citizens who are now wondering how they will maintain the verdant green yards they have been working for years to cultivate, we have some tips and pointers!

The local quarry has been increasing production since the government allowed the continuance of operations after they uncovered the ancient subterranean gateway. Workers have been helpfully provided with noise-cancelling headphones to block out the previously reported screams emanating from the mysterious artifact, and have been providing a great deal of colorful crushed rocks which can be used for yard cover with a tasteful mix of shrubbery and other greenery.

For a more modern solution, we recommend the use of artificial grass. Luckily, a new company has been added to the county directory which can help those of us who choose to hurriedly rip out our natural grass and make plans for an artificial turf installation as a substitute. That company is the southern California-based NoMow Turf, who has been providing Orange County residents with environmentally friendly alternatives to natural grass since 2005.

If you are looking to stay on the straight and narrow and NOT be publicly beaten, we highly recommend you check out our county’s newest business partner. Your family’s safety will be secured, and you won’t have to go without the green lawn you’ve grown to love.

No Mow Turf

(866) 679-4863

26674 Vista Terrace, Lake Forest, CA 92630


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5G Rollout in Sanborn County Ruled Complete Success By District Judge

Category : Divorce

Welcome back, Sanbornians! We’ve got some hot news today – after a year of being tied up in court, the district judge has declared that our friendly local cellular provider has been entirely exculpated in our county’s lawsuit against them for rolling out their 5G antennas without sufficient safety studies!

It all started when the cellular provider began switching their antennae online and local bird populations were immediately decimated. Just, falling straight out of the sky mid-wing flap. Considering our fair county’s previous problems with bird attacks and vast flocks of vultures periodically descending into the town, we all considered this a blessing. The opinion polls I put out during these invasions considered the large, dark birds lining the buildings and silently watching us to be ‘quite unsettling’.

Then came the random bouts of gibbering madness experienced by the people who lived and worked nearest to the cell towers. Very few deaths were reported from these rampages, but there was a significant level of property damage. The murals drawn on the sides of town buildings were in fact considered to be quite enriching!

What I think may have been the last straw for the county, however, was the complete destruction of all male resident’s fertility. Male residents initially complained of a strange and unpleasant tingling sensation, which eventually transformed into terrible agony before blissfully fading into a general numbness, at which point many of us grew quite doughy and indifferent.

Doctors observing the affected population called the condition, “complete testicular destruction” and caused quite a panic in everyone except the stricken population. Luckily for our cellular provider, the judge disagreed that the company was at fault and instead blamed our local water supply, leaving the victims and their family without any way of paying for treatment.

On a related note, just in time for the ruling, a new business has moved into the area to help with the sudden jump in marital problems – Shuff Law Firm, the premier family law firm of Santa Ana! The firm decided to open up a branch in our county just as the lawsuit was winding down and the gag order was lifted.

The good folks at Shuff Law Firm have been serving as attorneys in the Orange County area since 1974 and have provided countless clients exemplary legal service during the firm’s tenure. Originally run by the senior Shuff as the Law Offices of Joseph A. Shuff, III, the firm rebranded itself in 2006 as it brought aboard his daughter, Tamara, and expanded its operations. Regardless if you’re in the midst of a tough custody battle or are just in need of legal counsel for a potential separation, Shuff Law Firm can help you get the legal council you need to prevail.

So, if you’re in either our humble (and sterile) county or in the Santa Ana/Orange County area and are looking for the best family law attorney in the game right now, don’t hesitate to give Shuff Law Firm a call. You won’t regret it!

Shuff Law Firm

(714) 834-0175

2634, 2107 N Broadway #301, Santa Ana, CA 92706


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Creativity In The Workplace

The nature of work has been completely revolutionized over the last mere decade. The way we work has evolved to prioritize the well-being of the human mind and body and fostering collaboration and productivity. Work-life balance, burnout, and mental health have become primary topics as of late.

We typically think of cool, modern, and hip millennialism when we think of the “anti-cubicle” philosophy and attitude of work. Silicon Valley tech giants like Google were the first to popularize open and creative office spaces. However, the concept was invented before cubicles.

American architect Frank Lloyd Wright was known for his beautiful open concept homes and offices. He felt that physical barriers were oppressive. “Boxes are fascist,” Wright once noted. He famously and meticulously designed an open office with employees sitting at their own desks with plenty of space between one another. For the managers, Wright had private offices built on an upper mezzanine.

In 1960, Herman Miller created a corporation dedicated to furniture research. It was he who was the first to create the office cubicle. The cubicle became a cost-effective and convenient way to create organization and separation, which is a benefit that still holds true today.

Wright’s idea became copied and renditioned into the many open offices we see today, but without his genius. The problem wasn’t that the open office concept is flawed, but that companies did not take creative design into consideration when assembling the spaces. They simply assumed that arranging desks and chairs of any kind on an open floor would achieve the same result as Wright.

Open floor offices are thought to foster ease of communication. However, this intention doesn’t seem to serve an actual need. In fact, studies have shown that open offices may be overrated. Employees don’t feel as though physical separation prevents them from interacting with one another. It was discovered that employees were frustrated by the lack of noise and visual privacy. Although visibility and transparency are key to any workplace, a lack of privacy and structure can promote feelings of anxiety and hopelessness.

Before you design your new office layout, speak with your employees to get a sense of the environment that they would ideally thrive in. Instead of choosing a layout based on its popularity or trendiness, take your employees’ suggestions into real consideration. Studies suggest that the open office trend promotes a false sense of productivity.

Office furniture such as cubicles, desks, tables, and chairs don’t have to be boring. You can revamp your office affordably by purchasing used office furniture from Creative Office Furniture, based in Los Angeles and Orange County. They offer a wide selection of office furniture and interior services along at competitive prices.

You can visit the Office Furniture Design showroom in Los Angeles. Their services include space planning, furniture configuration and relocations, custom woodwork, and custom refinishing. Their catalog includes new, used, and refurbished furniture.

You can give them a call to book an appointment at their showroom.

Creative Office Design
5230 Pacific Concourse Dr #105, Los Angeles, CA 90045, United States