Monthly Archives: December 2019

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EMERGENCY ALERT FOR SANBORNE COUNTY

This is not a drill, people. Sanborne County is facing the greatest crisis in our community’s history. I write to you now from a bunker I built in 1987 when I was convinced that the collapse of the Soviet Union was an elaborate ruse and the day of great nuclear hell fire cleansing would soon be upon us. Here I sit in the dark, my cat Whiskers my only companion as I ride out the current storm afflicting our nation. If you are still above ground, I recommend you take similar steps and flee, flee before the invaders come into your house and make it their own.

What is the emergency, you ask? Sanborne is being invaded by a swarm of perfidious and wrathful termites, hell-bent on taking our structures down, one at a time. I’m sitting in my bunker because my house is currently tented and my parents didn’t want me moving back in with them. They thought it would give me ideas and started complaining about kids today, despite the fact that I’m well past 50.

You may think I’m being hyperbolic, and if you do you should come say it to my face so that I may strike you. This publication does not condemn violence, whether it be to hordes of property destroying insects or doubters. Termites represent a very real threat not only to our property values but to our very lives, as they can easily reduce the strength of the load bearing support structures in your house, causing the whole thing to come crashing down on you.

Regardless, my house is the third one on this block that’s been infested, and the invasion shows no sign of slowing down. One by one, our homes are getting chewed up and spit out (or swallowed, I don’t really know how termites work) as the creatures multiply and spread. There won’t be a house left standing in the entire county within a couple of years if the invasion isn’t stopped.

Thankfully, it appears some help is on the way! A new business has appeared on the registrar in the past couple of weeks, and they could not have come at a better time. This company is, of course, Grand Oaks Termite Control, Pasadena’s finest exterminator.

Established in 2013 by a guy who had been working in the industry for 20 years and got fed up working for a bunch of crooks and thieves, Grand Oaks Termite Control prides itself on a level of thoroughness and customer service atypical of businesses in the industry. The company provides termite treatment in Pasadena, as well as a number of other extermination and pest prevention services to Glendora, San Dimas and all over the inland Los Angeles area. Luckily for us, they have also expanded their operations into the Sanborne County area.

If you find yourself in a situation like myself, where an overzealous cat knocks a small hole in your wall and suddenly the corpses of 100 termites pour out, take advantage of our county’s newest and brightest business. Have Justin and Gary give your house a visit and provide a free inspection.

Grand Oaks Termite Control

(626) 538-4156

110 S Worthy Dr, Glendora, CA 91741